Hen do’s (and don’ts) October 25, 2011

Being of a certain age I’ve been attending quite a few hen do’s of late. In many ways I wish I had’ve been around 40 years ago when hen do’s would have taken place in our early 20’s and I would have had more stamina (a 3am finish you say? Pass the duvet). But having said that I doubt vodka shots and larging it in Ibiza were the done thing back in the 70’s so perhaps there are some benefits to post-noughties do’s.

In much the same way as weddings going to all these get togethers gives me loads of ideas for things I’d like when (and if) my own comes around. And also I’m getting to see a few of the pitfalls of the game. So here are my hen do’s and don’ts – for hens and their gaggle of girlies.

Do

• Play the Mr & Mrs game – nothing cures a hangover like finding out which sexual position your bezzie mate’s other half prefers. Even more cringe-worthy if you’re related to either of them!

• Have a theme – themeing and fancy dress helps you to stand out from the crowd and get some attention for the hen (and any of the single ladies in the pack). Everyone loves a hen do on a night out right?

• Check out your accommodation – websites don’t always tell the whole truth so try to visit the location if you can. Even if the cottage is up a three mile dirt track through Blair Witch style woods at least the girls will all come prepared (with flashlights and sick bags).

• Take the correct footwear – or risk being the team of girls paintballing in bright white trainers – nuff said. Could we have been any more of a blatant target?

• Make sure there are willies – it’s the one night of your monogamous life when you’re actively encouraged to look at/touch hot men’s private parts. Oh and your girly friends get to enjoy the same perks – result!

Don’t

• Get bladdered on the first night – we all know night one of a hen weekend is the warm up evening and yet there’s such a temptation to settle into the hot tub and get smashed on a couple of bottles of wine. You will regret it. Especially if you have to go paintballing at 9am in the morning – barf!

• Rock up to the family area of Wetherspoons at 6pm with a blow up willy – children will cry, their parents will give you evils and you will feel guilty. Back out on the street however, it is perfectly acceptable.

• Forget your camera – hen nights always produce classic photos, don’t miss them!

• Be the phantom puker – the morning after the night before and there’s a pile of stinking sick in the living room. Whodunnit? If it was you, face the shame and come clean – oh and then clear the stuff up.

• Attempt small talk in the limo home – it’s 2am, I’m pissed and knackered, I do not want to know about your new house or get to know you in any kind of meaningful way. I just want to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Does 30 = a cultural wasteland? October 12, 2011

As the big 3-0 looms on the horizon like a wrinkly ogre of doom my friends and I have begun discussing the fact that we feel like we’ve grown out of a lot of things we used to love. For instance I lamented to one friend that perhaps one day I would have to say goodbye to my baggy jeans. Another friend and I discussed the fact that we have no idea what magazines to read anymore. Both regular purchasers of Company magazine for years all of a sudden the ‘real life success stories’ about 24 year olds who own their own businesses have ceased being ‘inspiring’ and instead become purely irritating (I’m sorry, how many people in their 20s earn over £60k a year, really???!).

So we’ve outgrown some of these things. I can accept that. Once upon a time I also grew out of Just 17 and Global Hypercolour t-shirts. The problem is, what the hell do we replace them with?

When it comes to the magazine conundrum, you’d think there’d be plenty to choose from. We’ve considered them all but they’re all either too young (Company/Cosmo), too fashion focused (Glamour etc) or too old (Good Housekeeping). We’ve considered the likes of Red but even that seems to be aimed at those with kids and certainly towards the back end of their thirties.

That’s the problem it seems. Thirties are the new twenties or so the saying goes. These days at 30 we don’t all have kids, have a husband and own a house. Many of us don’t even have careers we are hugely successful in; some of us are still trying to work out who the hell we are and exactly what we want from life.

So we’ve moved on but it seems perhaps the media hasn’t followed us. It looks to me like I’m entering some kind of odd cultural wasteland, where I don’t feel there’s anywhere I really ‘fit’.

As well as magazines, I struggle with my radio station choice. I have a two hour daily commute and use the radio to keep me sane. I listen to Radio 1, mainly for the chat and amusing DJs, but there is something distinctly sad about listening to One Direction and promos every ten minutes for The Teen Awards – ie. their core target audience – and realising that your own teenage years are ten years behind you!! And yet I can’t bring myself to switch to Radio 2 – I’m not ready for Cliff Richard just yet.

I can’t help but think there’s a serious gap in many different markets and were I a media mogul I’d be getting in there quick-smart. We’re not asking for much – fun with an edge of intelligence and something to inspire us. I’d love to hear from you if you agree.

Baking revolution October 3, 2011

It could be something about my age, or perhaps my social circle, but it appears that it has become socially acceptable, and even cool, to bake. From Facebook updates about apple crumbles to close up twitpics of your latest batch of cupcakes, it seems like everyone’s at it – and making it common knowledge. 

I guess it’s inevitable that with the recession and people having less money to go out, combined with campaigns like ‘Love Food Hate Waste’ and a revival of kitsch arts and crafts that baking would be next in line for a come back. And what’s not to love – a few minutes of toil and after half an hour or so’s baking time you have a scrummy cake to get stuck into. Plus I’m finding it’s bringing out my generous side (so I do have one!) as I’m handing out my creations left, right and centre (get in line girlies, they’re coming your way), mainly because otherwise I will eat them all and become the size of an actual house. 

Most recently I had a bake-a-thon in aid of Mum’s Macmillan fundraising coffee morning, batch baking two banana and chocolate cakes and a slab of flapjack-esque ‘blondies’. Whilst attempting this after a 13 hour day at work is perhaps not advisable they did actually taste pretty yummy and helped my mum to raise almost £2,000 for Macmillan, along with all the other baking wonders brought to the table, some by my own generous friends. 

My mum is amazed that I somehow went from a girl who hated the idea of cooking to someone who actually enjoys cooking from scratch and takes pleasure (and peace) from baking. So join the revolution, get those tins out and get creaming that butter and sugar. I bet you’ll agree they taste ten times better than anything you’ll find in Tesco.